Tips for women living authentically after a certain age
Tip #1: Whatever your age, dress in a way that makes YOU feel good. Who decided that certain fashions were only appropriate for certain ages? Many of our notions about how to dress as we get older stem from the idea that old skin is awful and should be covered up. Cover up wrinkles, varicose veins, spider veins, brown spots. I say, show them, love them, be proud of the life you’ve lived.
Tip #2: Whatever your age, wear your hair in a way that makes YOU feel good. Who decided that women over a certain age shouldn’t wear certain hair styles?
Tip #3: Own your age. When someone says “Oh, you don’t look your age. I never would have guessed you were that age,” don’t say “thank you.” Instead say, “Oh, well I am this age, and this is what this age looks like.” People who say this to you think it’s a compliment, but it’s not. In reality, they have a hidden bias that says people over a certain age should be decrepit, doddering, and disheveled. Own every year. Some of your friends and loved ones may not have made it this far.
Tip #4: When someone says, “You don’t act your age, you seem much younger,” again this is not a compliment. See #2. The only response is, “I am this age, and this is how I act so this is what acting this age looks like.” Just because you are 50, 60, 70, 80, 90 or above doesn’t mean you should be sitting in a wheelchair waiting to die.
Tip #5: Stand up for yourself when you receive treatment that is ageist. A few years ago, I went to the doctor because I was having some severe hip pain. My doctor at the time, practiced in a clinic affiliated with a medical school, and I was seen by a resident first. The resident, a cheery woman in her early thirties listened to me for a moment (literally a moment, less than 20 seconds) and said, “Well, as we age, we can’t expect not to have pain, can we?” I fought the urge to slap her, and just said, “this pain is new for me, and I don’t think it’s related to aging (I was around 55 at the time). She again tried to explain that “as we age” we must get used to being less fit and less able to do things. I just listened politely, realizing I could not change her mind. I did, however, when sent the survey to review my care, detail what happened as factually as possible. To my amazement I received a letter from the head of the residency program detailing steps they would take to change their educational program, and thanking me for bringing this to their attention. Now, I don’t know whether anything actually happened, but at least it was a recognition of a problem.
Tip #6: Root out your own hidden bias about what it means to age. What stereotypes do you have about aging? What hidden beliefs do you have about what you can do as you age, how you should behave, dress, or how you should wear your hair?
Tip #7: The tip to rule them all. Be yourself. Be one hundred percent unapologetically who you are. Let your brilliant light shine. You are amazing.
